The Letter “E” and What it Should Mean
Since my father’s passing in 2007, I’ve come to realize exactly how “spot on” he was in all he said and did. Prior to 2007, I knew my father was a successful businessman who possessed the necessary business acumen and common sense to make excellent decisions, but I sometimes questioned how truly intelligent he may have been thinking my mother was probably the smart one. Well, it’s finally dawned on me how so many things he had counseled me on years ago have come to fruition and just as he described so long ago. Perhaps, in hindsight, if I had only listened “back in the day”??
Hey, I’m not saying most folks would agree I’ve been extremely fortunate and have enjoyed my fair share of success. I’m just saying if I had followed his sage advice, most everything in my life would have been completely different.
The biggest issue which faces the men in our family is that we are very similar–we’re cut from identical “cloth” and none of us has ever wanted to admit it. We’re all very proud, extremely independent, and don’t like being told what to do. We’re all “Type A’s” (workaholics), perfectionists who are never satisfied, and leaders with leadership skills. We’re all honest knowing maintaining our integrity is of the utmost importance, we accept responsibility and all the blame, but none of the credit, and we’re able to get things done no matter the odds which might be against us. One of our biggest faults, if not our biggest fault, though, is we are never going to listen or take advice from each other! This for all the obvious reasons has been a huge disappointment which has negatively affected our relationships.
It’s no secret that if we had ever decided to work with one another, although that would’ve probably proved to ultimately be very successful, it would’ve also been very difficult, stressful, and taken even a more drastic toll on our relationships. We each have needed to be free of one another and taking a moment to reflect on music, the song so magnificently performed by the ultimate performer, Sammy Davis Jr. in 1968 was “I Gotta Be Me” seems to be so apropos. Give it a listen–you’ll be glad you did.
Folks, why is it that we seem to dwell on the negative, on what may have been, versus the positive and what has been? What I know for sure about the men in our family is that we’ve disappointed each other on many occasions and they’ve taken their toll on each of us.
Although I know I disappointed my father on many occasions, three immediate “biggies” come to mind: the first when I didn’t want to continue at Episcopal High School in Alexandria instead preferring to go to public high school in Arlington at Washington-Lee (W-L); the second upon graduating from college I chose not to go into the family real estate development business; and the third when I decided to accept a position with a firm in SC moving the family there and taking his only two grandchildren away from him. These decisions of mine were devastatingly disappointing to my father, but we also knew they were ultimately the best decisions which needed to be made based on our DNA.
“Back in the day”, my father had an attractive young secretary who was his “gatekeeper” meaning in order to see my father I needed to make an appointment or vice versa with her spearheading the meeting. His office was huge with a big wooden desk and a large glass ashtray loaded with cigarette butts center stage, a large comfortable stuffed leather chair, a credenza positioned behind him with three crystal decanters–one filled with bourbon, one with scotch, and the last with gin–along with crystal glassware and a silver bucket of ice. There were four comfortable leather chairs which sat in front of his desk and along a wall to the side of his desk was a coffee table positioned in front of large leather couch flanked by two coffee tables with lamps. On the other side of the office there was a large bookcase, a long conference table with eight leather chairs. All in all, his office was very “Mad Men-like” if you know what I mean.
After I had so disappointed him by letting him know I wouldn’t be joining the family business, a few weeks later he wanted to sit down and have a frank “father and son” meeting which meant it was going to be a “one way” conversation–he was going to do the talking while I was going to do the listening.
This is a prime example of why I said earlier my father proved to be “spot on” and even somewhat clairvoyant. He started by saying how he had come to terms with the fact that I was not joining the family business. At the time I indicated I was going to attempt to “cut my own trail” in the supermarket industry to which he stated he now supported as well. He wished me all the luck in the world and he said he would support me in any way he could although he knew I would never ask for it.
It would be years later before I would come to the realization of what a wise sage he was when he hypothetically asked me if I knew what the letter “E” should stand for in our lives.
Please allow me to fast forward some almost 50 years when I was very much entrenched into the transportation industry and after all those years of not quite understanding what my father was getting at–I finally got it!
In the black car livery business, you’re dealing mostly with a very high-end clientele. We charge by the hour and a sedan ride is around $85/HR. We had a number of clients who travelled internationally which meant they would have to fly out of Dulles International Airport (IAD) and the charge from Richmond would normally be around $425 in a sedan. When we pulled up to a residence and backed down one’s driveway, we were most likely pulling up to some very large homes even mansions. If we picked our clientele up from a Fixed Base Operator (FBO) or private aviation, the jets we pulled up to were normally very large and only 1-3 passengers would come down the stairs to our vehicle. Company CEO’s and executives aren’t flying in single-engine Cessna’s. I hope you’re beginning to get the picture where we were providing ground transportation to a very exclusive clientele who would be considered wealthy with considerable disposable income.
So, my father continues to tell me that the letter “E” should stand for “ENOUGH”. In life, he says, you will come into contact with all sorts of people from varied backgrounds. I know, because it’s in our DNA, that someday you will make your mark in the supermarket industry and be very successful and I’m hopeful you will never, and I mean never, lose sight of the fact that the letter “E” should stand for “ENOUGH”. Our family has been so very fortunate to be financially secure and it could be very easy you take this security for granted and frivolously spend hard-earned money on material unnecessities. Those people who choose to act in this poor manner have lost sight of the true meaning of the letter “E”. In their forsaken world the letter “E” stands for “EXCESS”. Please understand I’m not saying you can’t or even shouldn’t have nice things. No, no that’s not the case, but just keep in mind of all the people you’ve come into contact with from varied backgrounds. Most of them aren’t as fortunate as you and many need help. So, when you become successful remember to always have “ENOUGH” and then give the “EXCESS” away.
Remember also, he continued, that when you give the “EXCESS” away, give it away “anonymously”. You don’t need any additional recognition or to be recognized in any form or manner for doing what you should be doing. The satisfaction you will receive from giving will always be greater than any type of recognition.
It goes without saying that the wisdom my father shared with me so long ago and my having such difficulty in understanding what he was saying at the time, has now evolved and has become crystal clear! The letter “E” does indeed stand for “ENOUGH”!! See, I am finally listening!
If you’re a friend of the Baby Boomer on Facebook, you’ll see my cover photo is that of the poem by Bob Parks entitled, “I Wish You Enough”. Thanks, DAD!!