A Look Back at 2023 & My Resolve for 2024
The week between Christmas and New Years is seemingly always a time of reflection on the year which is about to end. It’s impossible to escape as TV is continuously reminding us of this with a plethora of newsworthy events and a “look back” at those who’ve we lost this year.
It, at times, is somewhat interesting at first, but quickly becomes extremely repetitive. Today, this AM’s “CBS Sunday Morning with Jane Pauley” has prompted me to create this post as I watched yet another “look back” segment on those we have lost along with a commentary by Anderson Cooper on the subject of grief. Hey, believe the Baby Boomer when he says he’s no fan of Anderson Cooper, but his piece really struck me in a thought-provoking way in how grief has and continues to affect me personally. It struck me to the point of having led me in creating my “resolve” for 2024.
Mr. Cooper talks about the propensity among many people to bury their grief over lost loved ones in silence and how hiding one’s grief can inflict an additional burden. When speaking on the topic of dealing with grief, Mr. Cooper said it has been something he has been running away from since he was 10 years old, on his own, and has not gotten very far. Grief is something everyone experiences and they deal with it in different ways knowing “we’re not alone in our grief even though it feels we are as it is a path well-traveled”. We often “shroud our grief in silence, crying in private, while speaking the names of those we’ve lost in hushed whispers only we can hear”. In doing this you “bury your grief to mute your sadness, but you also mute your ability to feel joy as well”.
I, like you, often think of those no longer with us–I’m certain of this. I lost my dad in 2007 and my mom in 2019. Of course, my grandparents have been gone for some time, but I no longer have any aunts or uncles and my favorite cousin, Doug, is gone as well. Again, I think of them often. This year, 2023, my college best friend and fraternity brother lost his wife, Linda, suddenly and it’s been so difficult for him as I can only imagine what he’s been going through each time I look into the eyes of my wife, La Bear, wishing and hoping for my demise before hers. We also lost an eleven-year-old four-legged member of our family in Betsy–a rescue who we all loved immensely. Big Red, our son-in-law, lost his grandfather recently at 94. Just six days before Christmas, we lost, Shannon, at age 41, after an almost four-year battle with cancer leaving her husband and two sons ages 5 and 8–that’s tragic. Shannon and our son, The King, dated during college and she always had a radiant smile on her face and remained so positive no matter the challenges she was facing–she was a beauty both inside and out. Just six days ago, I lost my fraternity brother at Vanderbilt, Steve. “Wilg” as I called him, had been sick and his death was not really a surprise, but it’s always shocking and he was a “big brother” to everyone he ever encountered.
Retiring in 2023 at the age of 70 (now 71), after 58 years being a part of the workforce, I reaffirmed my distaste for so-called “resolutions”, instead, opting to create an annual “resolve”. During this last chapter of my so-called career, I would create what I termed a “Weekly Message” to send out to my team. This past January I said, “This year, don’t make “resolutions” which you probably won’t achieve anyway. But instead create a “resolve” keeping it simple and attainable concentrating merely on one determined goal which you’re able to describe in a word, phrase, or motto to define YOU in 2023. WTBS, my personal resolve for 2023 is to REGAIN PASSION in practicing the discipline necessary to become the best servant leader to my family, my friends, and my colleagues at JL.”
I certainly don’t know about you, but I’ve not been very impressed so far with the current decade as we’re about to enter into year five. It’s doubtful we’ll ever come to terms with the devastation and loss caused by the coronavirus pandemic in 2020 and still combat with all of the variants, the presidential election, the chaos which has taken over our society and has so drastically affected our American culture, the Capitol insurrection on January 6, our economy taking a tremendous hit as inflation was out of control, gun violence, greed, selfishness, and hatred, Congressional rift, Biden and Trump, immigration and the Southern border, and two on-going wars–WOW!!
Guess what? This 2024 ain’t looking any better either. Another laughable presidential election and the new Congress, an uncomfortable economy, two wars still on-going, China vs Taiwan, North Korea, Russia and Iran, the scary continued emergence of AI and the loss of over 300,000 jobs due to its existence, the restructuring of corporate America due to AI and a tremendously heightened minimum wage in many states, the drug crisis, and our society still in chaos hoping to avoid some type of insurrection or civil war. Just wanting to survive this decade, let alone, this coming year!
Folks, we’re not on this earth for a very long time meaning we should be challenged with leaving a positive legacy with those who care about us most, as they remember us, and that’s our family. For myself, as I’ve certainly entered the Winter of my life, as a human being suffering from human frailties who has said and done things, he’s terribly ashamed of, I do believe, overall, I’ve tried to be a good man, love and provide for my family, and maintain my morality and personal integrity, thus, this being my legacy. Could I have done better? Well, of course! Do I wish I’d done better? Well, of course! I’m just hoping I’ve done enough good to outweigh the bad and that my family, which means more to me than anything, will remember me for the good and not for the bad even as we seem to always dwell on the negative. We’re not here for long, we’ll be remembered for even less time after we’re gone, then we’ll all be forgotten forever–so resolve to do your best to be your best as you only get one shot at it!
When you look at a tombstone you normally see the deceased’s name and below their name is their date of birth, a dash, and their date of death. Yes, the birth and death date are important, but at the same time, insignificant, as they don’t define the life that was lived–that is what’s interpreted by the dash which actually represents your life from the date of your birth to that of your death. This is all explained in the following poem by Linda Ellis.
“The Dash Poem”
I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on the tombstone From the beginning….to the end
He noted that first came the date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years
For that dash represents all the time That they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them Know what that little line is worth
For it matters not, how much we own, The cars….the house….the cash. What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left That can still be rearranged.
If we could slow down enough To consider what’s true and real And always try to understand The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we’ve never loved before.
If we treat other each other with respect And more often wear a smile, Remembering this special dash Might only last a little while
So, when your eulogy is being read With your life’s actions to rehash…. Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent YOUR dash?
Rather profound I would say. La Bear has declared that I’ve always been stressed both professionally and personally and I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s probably right as I’m finally feeling the effects of that long-term stress. I also know I’m a “worrier” and I have to concentrate on only worrying about what I can control. So, my “resolve” for 2024 is to work on my “DASH” as defined within the poem while I’m still able as tomorrow is never promised and to finally appreciate and feel “joy”! Wish me luck!
Upon reflection, what’s your 2024 Resolve?